I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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