i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize