im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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