Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
