He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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