Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize