the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
