He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
