She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize