Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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