I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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