We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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