Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
