I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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