he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
