coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize