you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
