my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
