Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
