I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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