Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
