he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
