the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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