so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
As shirtless as possible
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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