Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
