shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
