Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
