Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
