Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
