Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
