Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
