Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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