Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
