I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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