Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
