why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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