I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
