It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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