I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
