Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
