My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we made out on top of his cat.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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