Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
