remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i now understand why vodka
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize