if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
