matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
