I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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