Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
