I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
ok first of all what the fuck
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
