careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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