first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
