it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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