He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
