I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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