She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
