When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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