We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
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