Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
What a dumb baby whore.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
