And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
