Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
