I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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