if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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