she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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