oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
