Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
